Follow along here if you want to see what goes through a person's head when 80 bucks are on the line, and 12 beers are going down.
I finally found a use for the extra Coronas in my fridge that the girls didn't drink.
Keystone Light - 4.2% ABV
Description: Many aspiring alcoholics found out where they will be heading to college this week. In their honor I bring you the greatest can of piss water on the planet, Keystone Light. While most beers strive to marry malts and hops, keystone looks to marry cheap and awesome. Its one of those things that challenges your everyday logic. How can something so bad be so good? I have one irrefutable argument: Keystone Light = College = Awesome. As Ron Burgundy once said, "Its science." Keystone Light is scientifically proven to be awesome.
Cons: Memory Loss (arguably a pro).
What you should know: The following phrases: "a 2 at 10 and a 10 at 2", "cans of confidence", and "0 or 1?".
Recommendations: DO NOT drink this beer slowly. It is not meant to be enjoyed, it is meant to help you enjoy. Drink it fast and in mass quantities.(See our activities section for ideas)
Hangover (Hang-o-ver) - n
1. The unpleasant physical effects following the heavy use of alcohol
2. A letdown, as after a period of excitement
3. A vestige; a holdover
Touche dictionary, touche. If I knew dictionaries were this spot on, I'd probably have used it once in a while and wouldn't have to drink so much to make myself sound smart (to myself). Instead I suck at spelling and have a vocabulary the size of a meandering minx. To top it off, I'm hungover as f*%k.
P.S. Playing pull-don't-make-a-face with rolling rock is dangerous. Proceed with caution.
Allagash Black - 7.5% ABV
Description: Probably the smoothest stout I've ever had. Its so silky smooth that the texture alone has you reaching for more. Combine that with its rich, perfectly intertwined flavors, and you got yourself one of the best stouts in the world.
Cons: 1.5 pints is too small.
What you should know: I did not put this beer down after my first sip, so make sure whatever you're doing while you drink this only requires one hand. This beer also seems to disappear on you. From first sip to finish couldn't have been more than 10 minutes.
Recommendations: This rare brew is a must have for anyone who considers themselves a craft beer connoisseur. Newbys should stay away, there are many far cheaper stouts to try before you should drop this kind of cash on a beer (see our previous beer of the week: Guinness Extra Stout).
Guinness Extra Stout - 6.0% ABV
Description: The iconic stout. Heavy as most stouts are, but goes down smooth and leaves a very pleasant coffee/chocolate/malty aftertaste.
Cons: Hard to slug these bad boys down in large quantities. You should probably start with one or two of these guys and then move on to a lighter beer.
What you should know: Irish Car Bombs.
Recommendations: If its St. Patty's day, this beer better be in your fridge. Great stout for novice beer drinkers as its not quite as intense as most high quality stouts.
Fun Facts: Next time you purchase a Guinness Extra Stout, check out how the carbonation appears to waterfall down and not up. Also, don't be alarmed when you shake an empty Guinness bottle or can and something sounds like its inside. Its the patented Guinness widget designed to provide the beer with its unique head.
Description: A Belgian Tripel Ale that is essentially a mix of a Belgian Wit and a Pale Ale. It has the fruitiness of the wit, paired with some of the bitterness of the pale. It also packs a major punch, at 9% ABV.
Cons: Price - it is a little more expensive than your standard beer, but well worth it.
What you should know: If you are drinking different types of beer in one sitting, drink this one last, as everything else will be disappointing.
Recommendations: This beer is an easy drinker, so enjoy it anywhere, just don't plan on driving afterwards. That 9% alcohol. It'll getcha.
This is why they are the best brewery in America. One, because they spit rhymes. Two, because they pinch their pennies.