It's been forever since I did this. Hopefully I have some interesting thoughts today. My approach to watching football has changed significantly since we last met. Gone are the days of flipping between Fox and CBS while watching my Yahoo fantasy team. Now, Scott Hanson has ruined the experience of watching a single game, and I have to literally root against every player who isn't on my Fanduel team. I expect to be very frustrated because my team sucks, and I'll also be bored because there aren't 9 games on at once. I've got a Harpoon IPA Adventure variety pack, which promises to get me hammered. Here goes nothing.
4:36 - The game has kicked off, and I have taken a sip.
4:41 - I haven't even taken a second sip, and Baltimore scored already. Of course I don't have the guy who scored (who the hell is Kamar Aiken?), but at least very few others have him. I need to take this time to mention that the end of Indiana Jones is on at the same time as this game, so that's what I'll be watching during commercials. Torrey Smith is injured. Plenty of people's fantasy teams just lost all hope. 1st place is 200k in the tournament I'm in. As much as I want that, I'll settle for in the money.
4:59 - I hate that Steve Smith scored. This first beer has been a struggle. Harpoon Leviathan IPA. It is strong, but I'd get this again. You wouldn't know it's 10% drinking it.
5:11 - Pats finally scored, I finally finished my beer, and Indy chose wisely. I also have a small peen. (Someone else appears to have done some typing while I was getting another beer)
5:47 - Tie game. It took forever again to finish my 2nd beer. The Long Thaw, it was pretty damn good. The Indiana Jones series ruined its credibility with the alien thing. There's a reason South Park did an entire episode about it.
6:28 - I finished the previous beer (Rich & Dan's Rye IPA) at 6:19. I am attempting to slowly pick up the pace. Hopefully I can down this one by 6:49. The game is into the 2nd half, and the officiating has been questionable at best.
6:44 - Chris Collinsworth repeating a quote from Harbaugh: "There's nothing I want more than to put a ring on his finger." Not that there's anything wrong with that.
6:56 - I finished the beer at 6:51. Slow. Harpoon IPA. The goal for this one (back to the 10% guy) is 30 minutes again. I'll be very drunk after this.
7:25 - I finished the beer 2 minutes late, 7:21. Not bad, but not good enough. I am not as drunk after that as expected, probably because I actually ate something. Hot Pockets are the best possible 'I don't feel like cooking so I'll have this' food.
7:58 - Struggle again on the beer. Flacco threw a pick. Boston's gonna be jumpin tonight. I guess I have to go out.
9:23 - I'm baaaaack. Thought we were done, but a friend of a friend of a friend got too drunk and had to go home (women, right?). Don't worry, I've still been drinking, and even tweeted at harpoon. I'm on IPA numero ocho. This
12:44 Sunday - Apparently I got cut off mid-sentence last night. That was a lot of IPA's. My team actually did well, and I'm fired up, so I'm gonna keep it going today.
1:07 - I took a sip, I swear.
1:17 - I Had more than 1 sip before points today. That's a plus. I started the day in 2926th place out of 91954. Needless to say I'm excited. Lacy starting good. Now we need Witten to get going.
1:43 - Slow start. Why isn't Lacy in the game?
2:26 - This is a good game. I'm up to 1887. I just want some garbage yards for Lacy on this last drive of the half.
2:49 - 2nd half is underway, they're feeding Lacy, and I've switched to silver bullets.
3:17 - Coors Light can and should be drank faster than IPA's. I'm picking this up.
3:36 - Getting there. Is there anything more American than drinking, watching football, blogging, and catching pieces of 'The Patriot' during commercials? I don't think so.
3:56 - Slower. Dez may or may not have made the most important catch since David Tyree.
3:58 - He didn't.
4:44 - Since we last talked, I've had 2 beers, Green Bay won (shocker), and the 2nd game has kicked off. I also heard the quote, when discussing 'bigger' as a good word, "'Bigger' could also refer to a herpes flare up". Denver should throw to Demaryius. I'm in 2031st place right now, and I'm not sure how I went so far backwards.
5:13 - Poor effort. I had gotten into the top 900 with the TD, but now I'm down to 1034.
5:42 - Another poor effort. My team is completely falling apart. 1786 now.
6:44 - Falling apart. I've had 3 beers and dropped to 3449 since we last talked.
6:57 - I hate this game.
7:16 - I'm too mad to keep writing.